The emerging marriage culture in Lagos

Yinka Ojo

The emotion had been building up between Ade and Vivian for a while, and when the romance started it wasn't going to stop until a baby is involved. A token a while, a raise for hairdo, an apparel for the festivity, a soft loan now and then for a beautiful lady that had moved to Lagos on the empty promise of a greener pasture, the only consolation Vivian could think of was a pregnancy and a permanent tenancy with Ade her benefactor.

Ade, 25, is happily married with two kids, a family which he sustains with the proceeds of driving “Keke Marwa”. The repair of the third mainland bridge came with a boost for his business, making him a “bigger boy”, with extra change to finance his illicit friend-with-a-benefit affair with Vivian.

Vivian is from Benue state. She came to Lagos on the advise of a secondary school friend who does not want her to “bury beauty for bush”. Almost stranded in Lagos with want of decent job, Vivian was left with no option than to explore the offer that Ade presented her. The sweet experience soon culminated in a blissful bulging stomach for Vivian who refuted Ade's suggestion of an abortion, despite her knowledge of his marital status.

For Vivian, abortion is not an option, now she has a legitimate hold on Ade, who has agreed to rent a room for her somewhere in Lagos island with a promise of daily and monthly stipends for her upkeep. Just like that, Vivian has become someone's wife!

The scenario above pictures the emerging socio-cultural trend defining marriage and family in Lagos, especially among the lower class.

Culture is the total way of life of a people. Culture in Lagos state is redefined everyday. This redefinition is termed “cultural dynamism”, a situation in which an aspect of culture subsume or is been subsumed by a different culture resulting in a cultural paradigm shift.

In Lagos the dynamism is more noticeable in marriage and family set ups, especially amidst the lower class which constitutes a greater percentage of the population.

Traditionally, Yoruba people (who make up the traditional bulk of Lagos) value the sanctity of marriage and its processes. Although the culture neither promotes extravagance nor attaches financial gratification to giving out a child in marriage, it emphasises respect for both the bride and its family. Therefore, getting pregnant before marriage is an act that could tarnish the image of a family as morally corrupt. The onus of transmitting this value lies on the women who usually warn their female children against such acts which is called “Iyawo o ni nylon bag” (a bride with her bridal loads packed in a single nylon bag as opposed to the prestigious box” or “Iyawo oju window” (bride brought in through the window”).

The values above may sound like tales from the primitive age to some people, especially in the fastest growing mega city in Africa, Lagos. Incidence of men impregnating young ladies is on the rise in the state. Young men get their family started as if by default, no formal introduction, no ceremonies; the in-laws just need to be sure their daughter is not on the street! It's that simple if you are single. The major yardstick is a room big enough for you and your “wife”.

Married men usually secure accommodation for their lovers “carrying their babies, or simply deny responsibility for such pregnancy. If the lady insisted on seeing the pregnancy to delivery, the man, most often than not, renegades responsibility of taking care of the baby to its mother. Considering the financial condition that necessitated the relationship in the first place, such mothers are rarely able to take care of the young one.

Tens of divorce cases resolved or pending in magistrate courts around the state may, however be a determinant of how these unions end.

This trend recently attracted the attention of the Lagos state government who legislated that any man that fails in its responsibility to a woman and her wards will face the full wrath of the law. The State Attorney General, Ade Ipaye said "Any person who impregnates a woman or girl and fails, refuses or neglects to contribute to maternity related cost from ante-natal or post-natal stages, is guilty of an offence under section 277 of the Criminal Law of Lagos State and is liable to face the wrath of the law,"

Despite the law and examples that abound, there may be no end in sight to this way of life as the factors that necessitated these acts of infidelity and union remain. Poverty and the need to survive, by all means, in an overpopulated city with low moral standard may continually ensure unplanned parenthood, unplanned and unwanted pregnancies as single girls continue to tie themselves in somewhat suicidal nuptial knots.