“Bongo Bironic”

I was already in the secondary school before I realised that the word “Radionic” does not exist in the English Language. My uncle, “broda Jimoh” was our 'radionic' for a long time before repairing TV and radios went out of fashion and okada riding became enticing. So, in those days, all professions should end in -onic, -cian, and -ing. Forming a noun out of a profession or endeavour simply required the addition of those suffixes, therefore the etymology of the word 'radionic'. Several things trended while I was in the secondary school, especially in fashion and style. The one that formed the crux of this piece was the 'tag thing'. Students would pull designer labels off old clothes and sew it to their skirts, shorts or shirts. It was a sort of fashion statement. But to some, it was a form of cover up for torn uniforms.

My school was one of the prominent few in the country, it's the foresight of God's own people – Olivet Baptist High School, Oyo. The students were superb, elegant, intelligent, prolific and highly ingenious. We usually have binomial nomenclature in my school, exceptions only in the case of alias. So we had names like Adekunle Ajasin, Ogunweyinwo Ademola, Ojo Aderonke, Adewale Adeyemi. One of such prolific students with an alias was 'lexy' (not real name). He came to school one Monday morning with a label gaily starched to his short. The label almost went unnoticed until when during the assembly a boy called the attention of others to the inscription on it “BONGO”! Everybody burst into a muffled laughter at the sight, after the assembly the name spread and stuck, even when he changed the short.

Lexy's ingenuity was of a kind, he could repair any form and brand of pen (biro). He would change a bic biro tube with an Eleganza's and switch balls from Tuns to Bic. He could tenderly repair a faulty ball and refill a dried-up biro. These he would do neatly and efficiently, with him no biro was a waste. He was a biro consultant. So what do you call someone that repairs a biro? “Bironic” of course!

His ability to repair biros pre-dated his bongo fashion sense, so when he stuck the label, the binomial nomenclature was activated and he became “Bongo Bironic”. Oh what a name!

Like a change of name, pulling off your nickname in the secondary school was not an easy task, it was like peeling off your skin. Your best bet is to pray for a better event that will engendered a new and better alias, if not don't try to fight it. Some nicknames would not last a term while others may last an eternity. Don't be surprised if a long lost friend holla your nickname in the mall several decades after leaving school.

Bongo did the silly thing, he tried to fight the name. Those who could not withstand him in physical strength whispered the name in his absence while those he could not dare for a fight tormented him with the nomenclature. At a point it was agreed that everyone should respect him and stopped the name calling but inadvertently the name kept coming up.

“Please have you seen lexy”

“Which lexy”?

“Bongo Bironic”

I'm not sure anyone remembers the nickname nor the bearer, but it keeps coming every time I see a Lipton tea tag.