Prospective Candidates of Hell

The preacher woke me rudely with the blasting of the speaker. Morning cry at decibels a thousand higher than a thousand cock could crow at dawn has become a common place on my street. it is as if the preachers compete for who could make the highest salvation noise or wake the most people. but this particular preacher is an Olympic gold Medallist, he came with a powerful amp hung on a stand unlike others that slung theirs across their shoulders. I manage to dose away few minutes after he commenced his greetings but woke up few seconds after.
"dear brethren, this is the second part of my teaching titled 'the end of days'".
I must have missed the series those days when I travelled, now here is the sequel. I MUST listen, whether like it or not, his speaker was directly facing my window, the words diffusing through the firmly shut windows and the brick walls. The word of God is powerful!!!

"I'm pleased to tell you that immediately after my first preaching about the end time, my car had a terrible accident. I can't explain how it happened but all glory to God" he narrated.

After a long reeling out and reading out of Bible passages, during which I had dosed off again, I drifted from my dream world into the virtual church, yet again. And this time I wasn't going back to sleep.

"Yes, verily verily I tell you, the Catholic Church is not the first church. Most of you don't read, you don't study and you'll say hen ehn Catholic Church is the pioneer church No!" he blurted with perceivable anger and disdain.

He continued to preach about how the Catholic worship Mary instead of Jesus and how they are all hell-bound because they are worshipping other gods.
"At Cannan Jesus said to Mary, woman! what have I to do with you? You see, He did not even say mother, he called her woman! Now this is the person they are worshipping. It is idolatry!" he shouted .

At that point, I wished I was in the room with some of my Catholic friends. I don't want them to go to hell if this was true. That a billion Catholics who I think worship in truth and spirit will go to hell? ah!!!! O God have mercy.

After close to two hours, the preacher was rounding up his 'teaching' and he said;
"I don't collect money anywhere i go to preach but people call me to say, 'evangelist take this for your ministry. A woman called me the other day and gave me an envelope of 38, 000 (thaaaasand, pronounce it like an Igbo man for effect). Another man 60, 000. A man has given me more than 6 million naira since i preached on his street. So take my phone number and call me, 080 tripple three 8 4... for counselling and let's talk, let's reason".

He offered his books for free to those that are interested and with that he went silent.

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I grudgingly rolled out of bed and punched in my early morning experience into a short poem for my Facebook wall. Then on my timeline I saw a Premium Times post about Pastor Okotie saying Catholics will go to Hell, "Again"! I shouted to myself.













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I dressed up for work and on getting to the junction I realised there was not the usual noise of songs, prayers and service that had become a norm for the 'junction church' that's what I called them. I turned to see what was happening and saw the sign "SEALED" I looked closer to confirm it was not by the spirit and realised it was by the Lagos state environmental protection agency. The church has been sealed for noise pollution.

Brethren Fashola is going to Hell and who and who again? I'm thinking of publishing a compendium "Prospective Candidates of Hell, 2013" I need a publisher.